


Lucky

by ultimateslothiraptor



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Murder, F/M, Hope vs. Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26268580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultimateslothiraptor/pseuds/ultimateslothiraptor
Summary: Everything was set for Junko's killing game. If she'd gone about it the way she'd planned, things would have ended in unbelievable tragedy and despair. But at the last minute, there was a change of plans.Makoto Naegi. A perfectly unremarkable boy with no discernible identity or personality. And yet, Junko Enoshima couldn't seem to kill him. She sent her sister Mukuro after him instead, and when their worlds collided, both of their lives changed forever.This was originally from my Wattpad account, ultimatevelocisloth. Don't know if that's relevant, but I'm including it anyway.
Relationships: Ikusaba Mukuro/Naegi Makoto
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	1. When It Started

So much has happened in the past few months. My perception of reality has shattered, my worldview has shifted drastically, and I'm lying in a hospital bed, battered and bruised, covered in puncture wounds. Every breath hurts, every movement sends daggers of pain shooting through my entire body. But now, looking up into the face of the boy who indirectly did all this to me, I realize I wouldn't have it any other way.

I can't even imagine how different my life would've been if my sister had never sent me on this assignment, if she had just decided to take her chances with him and let everything play out according to her original plan. But because she did send me after him that day, everything changed.

The day didn't exactly start off normally. I woke up in a five-star hotel instead of an active warzone, and was actually allowed to spend a few minutes collecting my thoughts. Not that I had many thoughts of my own back then. My only goal in life was to please my sister, and everything I did was a means to that end. Then my phone rang, and Junko was screaming in my ear, "Get in here, you ugly bitch!"

"Y-yes, of course," I stammered, caught off guard. "I'll be there in a second." I wasn't sure why she'd called me when her room was right next to mine, but I didn't question it. I didn't question anything before I met him.

Junko was lying back on her bed, idly running a knife along her finger. The second she saw me she whipped the knife at my face, and I dodged effortlessly, feeling infinitely grateful that she thought I was worthy enough to try to kill.

"Took ya long enough, you lazy slut." Junko sat up, and I noticed that she was already wearing a full face of makeup and had her hair done up in her signature pigtails despite it being four in the morning. "I got a target for you."

It had been a while since I'd been given a specific target. When I got back to Japan, she had sent me to cause a massacre at a local middle school, but since then she'd kept me close by, not letting me out of the hotel except to get groceries. I smiled in spite of myself. It felt like forever since I'd been allowed to run wild. "Who is it?"

"Calm down, murder whore." She hopped off the bed and walked over to the desk in the corner, where she held up a newspaper. "See this?"

I squinted. It was an article about a boy who'd narrowly escaped death at a construction site last month by tripping over his shoelaces at the exact moment a construction worker hit the wrong lever. "Is that...?"

"No shit. And you know who orchestrated that whole thingamajig?" She stared at me for a full five seconds. "I did. I set that up, and it failed."

I let out an involuntary gasp. Junko was the smartest person I had ever met. Her plans might not always be the most well thought-out, but with something as cut-and-dry as bribing a construction worker to kill a defenseless kid, there was no way something could've gone wrong.

Junko nodded, seeming satisfied. "Right? Even a moron like you gets it. But hey, accidents happen, you know? Plus I got a great despair kick out of it. So I sent another guy to take him out. And you know what happened then?"

I had a feeling I knew what was going to happen, but I shook my head anyway. If I tried to make a suggestion she would just call me stupid and try to kill me again, and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, I really wanted to get on with this assignment.

She slammed the newspaper down on her desk. "The fucker's gun jammed at the last second! And I would just try again, except..." She rifled through the stack of papers on her desk for another second, then pulled out a picture of the boy. "This is Makoto Naegi, the Ultimate Lucky Student."

"Do you think his luck actually has something to do with it?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course a dumbass like you would think that. I don't know what this kid's deal is, if he's got super good reflexes or what, but... well, you know the original plan was to trap him in the school along with the rest of em, right? I tried to get him killed because I decided he was too dangerous. He's got this anime-protagonist air around him, you know? Is your tiny little pea brain keeping up?"

I blushed and nodded.

"But," she continued, "the little twerp is being super super super elusive about it. So I need you to go and gun this brat down."

I looked at the boy again. He was cute – kind of an egg-shaped head, and the most innocent smile I'd ever seen. But that didn't matter. He was a target. That was all that mattered. I looked up at Junko's expectant face and nodded. "Anything for you, Junko."


	2. When I Failed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up: I have no idea how guns work, so most of the terminology in this chapter is just me talking out of my ass. Apologies to anyone reading this who can actually call me out on my bullshit.

(A/N: I have no idea how guns work, so most of the terminology in this chapter is just me talking out of my ass. Apologies to anyone reading this who can actually call me out on my bullshit.)

That day was the first time I would ever fail an assassination attempt.

Granted, most of my experience was with combat rather than striking from the shadows. But still, my sharpshooting skills were unparalleled. There should've been no reason for me to miss that day.

Looking at him through the scope, I felt a strange twinge of jealousy. He was laughing, joking around with some friends, looking like he was having the time of his life. I couldn't remember ever feeling like that. But this was no time for self-pity. If I didn't take action now, I never would.

He had just gotten out of a friend's car and was walking towards his house. A younger girl who looked quite similar to him was running toward him. Another twinge of regret for leaving this girl without a brother hit me, but I'd killed plenty of people before, some of them even younger than these two. This time should be no different.

So I readied my shotgun, took aim, and... nothing happened.

I looked at the weapon in a panic. Gun jammed. How? I had made sure to check that it was in working order just a few minutes ago. Trying desperately to stay cool, I got it unstuck and cocked it again. That was embarrassing, but nobody had to know if I could manage to pull it off this time. He was walking into his house. I only had a window of a few seconds to make this work. I took aim, pulled the trigger, and the bullet flew straight toward its target.

In that moment time moved in slow motion. I could see the bullet leave the gun, charging full speed toward the boy's head. I could see it about to make contact... and the next second, I could see the slight gust of wind that knocked it off course and sent it crashing into his porch.

The girl who had been with him screamed. Makoto looked around, shocked, and ran inside his house, yelling for his parents. Meanwhile I was stuck there, petrified, dumbfounded.

I had been doing this for so long. I had sacrificed everything to become the world's greatest soldier, all in the name of despair. So then how had I missed? It was just one shot at a fairly large target at close range. There was absolutely no excuse, no reason for me to fail. So why?

Without thinking about it, I cocked the gun again, doing my best to take aim despite my shaking hand. I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I knew I couldn't fail. Because if I failed, it would mean letting down Junko. It would mean failing a mission. It would mean losing the core of my identity. If I wasn't a perfect soldier, then... what was I?

It was a reckless move, which is probably why I failed again. Or maybe it really was Makoto Naegi's luck. Whatever the case, the bullet I sent flying through the open window of his house missed his head by a full two inches.

No... no way. I stood there, feeling absolute despair. I had failed at the one thing I was supposed to be able to do well. I had screwed up a mission for the first time in my life. Despair washed over me.

Or... did it? Was this despair? Junko always talked about how despair was the greatest feeling there ever was, but I didn't feel great. I felt horrible. I felt like my entire world had just come crashing down around me – appropriately, since it had. This was what despair felt like – the crippling sense of irreversible failure.

That was the first time I ever questioned my sister, even if it was only for a moment. I brushed off the feeling, thinking no, there has to be more to despair than this. Maybe I just wasn't feeling it intensely enough. Maybe there were other elements I hadn't thought about. But no way could Junko be wrong. No matter what the reason was, despair couldn't be this awful sensation.

I had been so fixated on figuring what despair really was that I completely forgot about my botched mission for a second. As a result, I came back to my senses just a second before Makoto looked over in my direction. I barely dodged his gaze in time.

I would go back to Junko. I would apologize for screwing up so colossally. And I would find some answers.


	3. When I Got a Second Chance

It wasn't easy telling Junko that I had failed. She was my closest confidant, the person I trusted most in the world, and my only friend. She was a toxic person to be around, but of course I didn't realize it back then. There were so many things I didn't realize before I met him...

Stop it, Mukuro. Focus. Back on track.

My stomach was twisting in knots as I approached the door to her hotel room. I knocked tentatively, then leaned to the side as the door came flying open and a grenade rolled out onto the carpet. Almost reflexively, I bounced it on the tip of my shoe before kicking it out an open window. The building next door to ours lit up in flames, and I looked at Junko in concern, but she just shook her head. "I got rid of the security footage, so nobody'll know it was you, you paranoid pig."

She looked as beautiful as ever, her hair done up to perfection and her lips glossed perfectly. Even without her impeccable taste in clothing, it was obvious why she was the Ultimate Fashionista. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, and as she tilted her head to look at me, I could sense the disappointment behind her eyes. "You failed."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. "Y-yes. I'm sorry, sis. I don't know what went wrong, I just –"

"Just had to go and fuck everything up the way you always do, is that it? God!" She hopped off the bed and stomped her foot – well, as effectively as you can stomp in high heels. "What is wrong with you? And don't say you were just trying to help, because disappointment is way totally different from despair, dimwit."

Tears started leaking out from the corner of my eyes. "I don't think I can go back to his house to try again, either. I kind of almost... got caught." I lowered my head, shielding myself from Junko's stern expression.

I could hear the click of her heels as she slowly walked up to me. She rested her hands on my shoulders and spoke in a low, sinister tone. "You what?"  
"I almost got cau –" Before I could finish the sentence, Junko hit me full-on in the face. I saw it coming but didn't try to dodge. I deserved this. I collapsed onto the ground, whimpering. "I'm sorry. I did my best."  
She gave me a kick in the ribs for good measure, but she seemed distracted, like she was thinking about something. "Well, I guess it can't be helped," she sighed, turning away and staring contemplatively out the window, where the fire department was just arriving at the scene of the explosion I had caused a minute ago.

I stood up, wiping my face. "So you're not mad?"  
"Oh, I'm pissed off!" She turned back to me, flashing her trademark crescent-moon smile. "But, as much as I hate to admit it, the little pissant's talent may actually be real after all. And if he really is that lucky, there's nothing you could've done."

I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Junko. I promise I won't fail again..." Then something occurred to me. "But how do I make sure I don't?"

"Simple!" She plopped down in her desk chair and started typing at her computer screen too fast for even my trained eyes to comprehend. "You get close to him. Make him think you're his friend. Then, when he least expects it, ya take him out!"  
Color flooded into my face. "Y-you mean, I actually have to talk to him and stuff?"

"No durrh!" Her whirlwind of typing completed, she hit the enter key, and all the previously quieted fire alarms in the next building over started going off again. She snickered. "That'll keep 'em busy."

Meanwhile, I was panicking. "But you know how bad I am at talking to people! I'll blow it! I'll screw things up even worse than before and ruin our mission!"

Junko spun around in her chair to glare at me. "By now it should've gotten through your thick skull that you're the only one who can do this. I don't really have an army of hitmen on speed dial, and if I tried to use my timeless charm to get close to him, people might start suspecting me! Your dumb ass is the only one who can help me."

Insult aside, flattery from Junko was a rare thing, and being her one hope for this mission's success was as close to a compliment as I was going to get. Still blushing heavily, I tried to cast aside my fears. "Okay. I'll do it. I'll befriend Makoto Naegi."


	4. When I Met Him

By all accounts, he's a completely unremarkable guy. It was the first thing he said when he introduced himself to the class, apart from his name. "I mean, I don't have any interesting hobbies or talents or anything. I just got lucky. That's it. I'm a completely normal guy." He was rambling, and I could tell he was starting to realize it, because his face was turning red. I didn't blame him – I was up next for this public humiliation.

It was the first day of school, and instead of just letting us hone our talents in isolation like many of us probably wanted, our teacher was forcing us to stand up in front of the class and introduce ourselves one by one. I shouldn't have been complaining – it gave me a chance to get my first glimpse at Makoto's personality, after all – but if there was one thing that stressed me out more than talking to people, it was talking to a crowd of people that had all its eyes on me.

We were called up by which desks we'd chosen to sit at. Our homeroom teacher seemed to have completely ceased caring, because he didn't assign seats. I sat next to Makoto. It seemed like the only logical option at the time. That thought changed when I looked at him for the first time.

I had never had to look someone I'd tried to kill in the eye before. I would've thought I'd be angry that he managed to slip through my fingers, that this nobody had managed to make my years of training look like nothing. But when I looked into his completely remarkable, egg-shaped face and saw nothing but pure, childlike innocence, I couldn't bring myself to hate him.

Then he turned his head and smiled at me.

I didn't go out in public very much. The most human interaction I had was with Junko, and no look she gave me was completely free of her cold contempt for me. But when he smiled at me... for the first time in my life, I felt seen.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I blinked, which made me realize I had been staring for several seconds. "Oh!" My face started burning, and I buried my head in my desk. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare."

I expected him to make fun of me or throw something at me. That was what I was used to. Instead, he laughed. "No problem! I get it. First day of school. Kind of stressful, you know?"

Looking up tentatively, I could see that he really wasn't mad. He wasn't poised to hit me, and he didn't even look a little bit upset. His foot was tapping against the ground at a rapid pace, and his hands were clenched together, but that was probably more from nerves than anything else. Is this what people in the real world are like? Maybe. Or maybe this boy was one in a million.

What am I doing? I can't start thinking of this kid as something special. I'm going to kill him, after all. No point in getting sentimental.

Besides, looking around the class, it was obvious that Makoto's friendliness wasn't exactly some unique quality. A girl whose shirt was showing far more cleavage than should be allowed was going around introducing herself to everyone, and a boy whose hair looked like it was levitating was grinning and chatting with a short-haired boy who looked like he wanted nothing to do with any of this. So there shouldn't have been any reason for me to think of Makoto as anyone but a target. Even if he was the first person who smiled at me.

I tried to take my mind off him, which failed miserably in the next instant, because he was sitting front and center, and as a result was the first person our teacher called on to introduce himself. That was when he started rambling.

"So... that's about it." He was smiling awkwardly, shifting his feet uncomfortably. "That's me." He sat down and sighed heavily. "That was rough," he said quietly to himself.

I tried to ignore how cute it was that he talked to himself aloud.

Then the teacher called on me, and my thoughts crumbled.

I stood up shakily and swept my gaze across the room. Nobody looked like they were paying much attention. Makoto was looking up at me encouragingly, smiling. If everyone was like this, life outside Junko must be amazing. I had never had someone look at me like they believed in me before, much less a total stranger.

I cleared my throat and once again tried to take my mind off Makoto. He's a target, nothing more. Gotta remember that. "Um, hi..." I said. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to forget that I was talking to an entire room. "I'm Mukuro Ikusaba, the Ultimate Soldier."  
An obnoxious squeal came from the back of the class. Some chubby kid was pointing at me and shaking in fear. "D-does that mean you've killed people before?"

"Yes."

Apparently that was too matter-of-fact of an answer, because when I snuck a glance at the class, most of their looks had turned hostile. "U-um," I stammered, "my twin sister is Junko Enoshima, the Ultimate Fashionista. She couldn't be here today, but... um..."  
I couldn't take it anymore and sat back down in my chair, burying my face in my arms again. Why couldn't I do anything without making everyone hate me? Junko was right. I was a failure...

Then I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. I looked up, and sure enough, Makoto was smiling at me again. "Hey," he said quietly, because the girl next to me, a judgmental-looking type with long purple hair, was taking her turn introducing herself. "I'm sorry everyone reacted like that. You were just protecting our country, right? There's nothing wrong with that."

Sure, if you can call fighting for a group of mercenaries protecting your country. Do I tell him the truth? No, that wouldn't make sense. He might resent me, and I can't have that happen if I want any chance of getting close to him. "Yeah," I mumbled, unable to meet his eyes.

"Hey." He put his hand on my shoulder again, and when I met his eyes, there was nothing but warmth in them. "There's no need to be so freaked out. You're not the one who's way out of your league here. You actually belong here, while I..."

"Of course you belong here."

I'm not sure why I said it. Maybe it was to get closer to him, to get him to trust me more so I could betray him more easily. But when I think about it, it was probably because even then, I liked him. I wanted him to believe in himself. I had only just met him, but I cared about him.

He looked at me, seeming puzzled. "Yeah? Why?"

"Well, you might not have a talent like the rest of us, but..." I scrambled for something I could say to help him feel better. Damn it, why didn't I think of something to say before I started talking? "But if you're here, you're here for a reason. And who knows – even if your luck isn't a real talent, your being here can help the school prove that. So you're helping just by attending."

He thought about that for a second. I should've kept my mouth shut. Everything I say is stupid. I shouldn't have accepted this assignment in the first place...

Then he smiled again. "Yeah, I guess you're right! Thanks, Mukuro."

That was the most success I had ever had in a social interaction. I felt like I was floating. My heart was pounding with something I'd never felt before, something extraordinary. Could this be despair? No, that wouldn't make sense. Despair was my stomach plummeting into the ground, my world shattering before my eyes. This... this was hope.

I hadn't gotten a chance to ask Junko why despair was really so great. I considered asking her again when I got back to the hotel. I decided against it. For once, I would try to figure something out on my own, without relying on my sister. I would determine whether hope or despair was better by myself. And as I looked into Makoto's kind, trusting eyes, I was starting to suspect what the answer might be.


	5. When I Hesitated

I can't tell you how many chances I had to kill him that day. Seriously, the boy left way too many opportunities open. It's as though he had no survival instinct at all.

It started when he invited me to eat lunch with him. I had taken a seat by myself in the corner of the cafeteria, wanting some time alone to formulate a plan. I'll be the first to admit, I've never been that good at planning. Following orders is more my style. I would need all the time I could get to think of a way to kill him.

Before I could even begin to formulate a plan, he gave me the perfect opportunity without even seeming to realize it when I looked over to see Makoto sliding into the seat next to me. He smiled, and I blushed in spite of myself. "Why are you here?"

He shrugged good-naturedly. "I dunno. You just seemed lonely. Besides..." His grin turned sheepish. "I don't really have anyone to sit with either. So is it okay if I stay here?"

This wasn't part of the plan. But, as I've mentioned, I'm terrible at planning, so that probably wasn't such a bad thing. I did my best to smile back without seeming awkward and said, "Sure."  
"Oh, crap..." He stared at his tray, then looked at me apologetically. "I forgot to get a fork. Could you make sure nobody takes my stuff?"

I stared at him, unable to believe what I was hearing. Here he was, sitting next to a complete stranger who had just admitted to killing people before, leaving his food completely unprotected for the full minute it would take him to walk to the other side of the cafeteria to grab a fork. I reached into my pocket for the vial of poison Junko had given me that morning. "Y-yeah," I stammered. "Sure, go ahead."

He gave me a puzzled look, and for a second I cursed myself for acting so weird, but then he seemed to shrug it off and walked back to the lunch line. I took out the vial, unscrewed the cap. But instead of pouring it over his steak (seriously, what was the menu at this school?) before anyone could notice, I just stared at it.

I'd never hesitated to kill before. If you hesitated, it'd be you with a hole in the head instead of your target. But looking back across the cafeteria at Makoto, grabbing his fork and chatting with a boy who looked like he had some kind of orange corn on the cob on his head, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

What's wrong with me?

What was wrong was that I had already started to fall in love with him. But I couldn't accept that thought back then. For one thing, I had only known him for about half an hour. For another, falling in love with your target was unheard of for someone as highly trained as I was. It sounded like the plot of a bad romantic drama. So it couldn't be that. I searched my mind for other options, and managed to come up with a reasonable excuse.

There were too many people around here. On the off chance I managed to slip the poison into his food without anyone noticing, I would still be the prime suspect as the one person who he'd had meaningful interaction with when he wound up dead. Besides, he was already heading back to the table. I'd only have time to drizzle some over his steak, and he'd definitely notice a strange purple liquid hovering over his food.

I'd wait for a better time. That was all. I wasn't falling in love. Couldn't be. I would just wait for a better time.

He got back to the table, and I found that I actually enjoyed talking to him. I didn't have too much to talk to him about, since most of my stories from Fenrir would be too morbid for a normal person, and besides, it'd give away the fact that I was in a mercenary group instead of the Japanese military. But somehow, we found things to connect on.

"No way." He stared at me like he couldn't believe what I was saying. "You were homeless for a little bit?"

"Yeah." I couldn't see what was so hard to understand about that. "I was living on the streets from ages 4 to 6."

He dropped his fork. "Four to six? Geez, that must have been awful. What about your family?"

I shrugged. I had never considered this story a big deal before. "My sister kicked me out. She said I wasn't good enough, and if I was ever going to become a soldier I had to get some real world experience in."

Makoto shook his head. "No way. You're making that up!"

"I'm not!" I was starting to get annoyed. "She was right, too. If I'd stayed as lazy as I was back then, I never would've become a good soldier, let alone an Ultimate." I shook my head and looked down at my tray. "She was right... I'm useless."

"Oh, hey!" He seemed to notice I was getting upset. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have doubted you if I'd known you'd get upset. And you're not useless! What are you talking about? No way was your sister right. No kid deserves to get kicked out on the street, especially for something stupid like that."

I shook my head again. "It wasn't stupid. Besides, I was fine. That was where I learned the basics. If that hadn't happened, I don't think I'd be here today."

I'm not sure why, but that was when I started to cry. Maybe because I had disappointed my sister so much over the past few days. She might seem cruel on the outside, but she always did what was best for me. I was an idiot for ever questioning her.

Then Makoto noticed I was crying. "Oh, Mukuro..." He hesitated for a second, looking at me with the most adorably concerned expression, then put his arm around my shoulder. "It's gonna be okay. I'm... I'm not totally sure what's wrong, but it's gonna be okay."

I had to laugh at his response. "No, I'm fine. It's just... I've been questioning my sister a lot lately. I know she always does what's right for me, but lately it's been hard to see that."

Makoto laughed in disbelief. "Seriously? It sounds like she's been kind of awful to you. You don't need to listen to her if she put you through that stuff. Is she still like that?"

I nodded.

"Then there's no need for you to do anything she says. It's obvious that she's only bringing you pain."

"I –"

Then the bell rang. Lunch was over, and even though our time was mostly unstructured, we all had to report back to homeroom so our teacher could make sure we hadn't run off. Makoto looked at me questioningly, but I waved a hand dismissively. I was fine. But I wasn't so sure if I was okay with everything Junko had put me through anymore.

Regardless, I would keep waiting. I would look for the perfect opportunity. And when push came to shove, I would kill Makoto Naegi, because I couldn't be in love. I would end it, and all this confusing, upsetting nonsense would be over.


	6. When I Decided

But I didn't kill Makoto Naegi that day. Not for lack of opportunities: like I said, he seemed to have no survival instinct at all. It was simply from lack of trying.

He was the first person I actually liked talking to. He didn't try to make me feel bad about myself or point out everything I lacked. He encouraged me, not in a mocking way or an insincere way, but like he actually wanted to see me succeed and be happy. It was... interesting, in a way, and that's the excuse I used to wait. I would study him a little more, because I wasn't so sure that despair was the right answer anymore, and if there was anyone who could give me the answer, it would be the unbiased third party, the first person who had ever given me hope.

I couldn't exactly explain that to Junko, though. I didn't think there was any way I could phrase it that wouldn't lead to her hating me, maybe even removing me from the assignment and tackling it herself. And knowing her, there was no way she'd let Makoto live.

I was dreading having to explain why I hadn't taken him out yet. I tried to enjoy the rest of the day, attempting to joke around with Makoto in class using my very limited social knowledge and ignoring the many opportunities I had to kill him, but that pit of dread was stuck deep in my stomach. I would have to give Junko some explanation and had no idea what I was going to say.

The last bell rang sooner than I'd expected. Makoto smiled at me as he walked out, and my heart twinged. How had I been so close to killing this ray of pure sunshine just hours before? That didn't matter, though. What mattered was that Junko was waiting for me, and she was furious.

"What the fuck, Mukuro?" Junko was standing right outside the gate, twirling a knife in her hand that campus security somehow hadn't noticed. "Why is eggface still in the land of the living?"

The excuse I had frantically been trying to muster crumbled before my eyes. "Um," I stammered, "um..."

Junko looked at me with disgust. "I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in my life. And do you know how far disappointment is from despair?" She pulled her arm back and hurled the knife at a passing student. I barely managed to catch it before it embedded itself in their shoulder. Maybe Makoto's luck wasn't real at all and I was losing my grip.

"Hey!" Junko grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. "Are you listening?? Disappointment is like a million billion miles away from despair! You're dragging me away from despair, do you know that?"

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry," I said as coherently as I could while being aggressively shaken back and forth. "B-b-but y-y-you k-know –"

She let go of me and crossed her arms. "Oh boy, let's hear what shit for brains has to say about the situation."  
This was the wrong time to bring it up. I knew that. But so much adrenaline was rushing through me from the sheer terror of the situation that now might be my only chance. "I felt despair the other day, and –"

Junko hit me across the face. "You lucky BITCH!" she screamed, but when I looked back at her, she was smiling. She looked almost proud. "How did it feel? Did it feel super duper amazing?"

"Actually..." I swallowed. "It felt horrible. And today I felt hope, and it was incredible. So I guess my question is... why do you love despair so much?"

The smile dropped off Junko's face in an instant. She stared dead ahead, her face betraying no expression at all. I wasn't sure what to do. She had never done this before. Whether she was laughing psychotically or crying her eyes out, she was always showing some kind of extreme emotion.

Then she laughed. It started out quiet, but escalated to the cackles of a madwomen within seconds. Her eyes rolled back in her head. Drool started to leak out of the corners of her mouth.

"Ohhh, the despair!" she shouted. "My pathetic excuse for a sister has rejected despair! Do you have any idea what amazing despair that brings me?" She looked into my eyes, and I saw nothing but blackness in hers. "I wouldn't expect an ugly cunt like you to get it. Just wait until you've got your first really big hit. Then you'll see."

"Okay, but –" I was relieved she wasn't mad at me and that she seemed to have forgotten about Makoto, but I hadn't gotten a real answer to my question. What was so great about despair that Junko was willing to throw everything away for it? If it made you feel like what Junko was feeling then, I didn't think I wanted it.

She wiped her eyes. Tears of ecstasy had started leaking out of them. "Oh, man!" she laughed. "What a rush! Come on, let's get back to the hotel."

I reluctantly followed her back to the limo she'd taken to get to school. For the entire ride she was completely spaced out, her arms wrapped tightly around her body, her eyes blank. When we got out, though, she seemed to have sobered up a bit.

"Just one thing you should know about despair, sis," she said as we went inside. "Stupid hope is super stressful and hard and temporary. But despair..." Her eyes started to glass over. "Despair is easy, and when you get enough, it feels sooo much better."

I nodded even though I didn't understand. How could something that turned you into the slack-jawed mess my sister was in that moment – how could that be better than hope? I'd only gotten a taste, but it made my heart race, made me feel like I was flying. And I wanted more.

That was the moment I decided I wasn't going to kill Makoto Naegi.

Junko had forgotten about him for now. So I would take my time. I would find out more about hope – the drawbacks, the appeal, why my sister rejected it so wholeheartedly. And I would decide once and for all whether I was on the side of hope or despair.


	7. When He Realized

MAKOTO

Mukuro looks at me, smiling sadly. "I'm so glad I didn't kill you."

I smile back. "Yeah, me too. My life might be pretty boring, but I'm glad I still get to live it."

She laughs, then winces, grabbing her chest. I'm by her side in an instant. "Are the painkillers wearing off?"

"No." She shakes her head. "I'm fine. More importantly... do you remember what happened after the day I met you?"

It's kind of an odd question. Of course I remember. It was months ago, but my first few days at Hope's Peak Academy were unforgettable. Strange, sure, but unforgettable. Especially the parts that involved Mukuro.

I was still pretty shaken from having gotten shot at a few weeks before. But the police had brought in a suspect, so I was pretty sure I'd be safe. Life had finally started to return to normal. Plus, I'd made a new friend.

I'd been nervous about starting at Hope's Peak for a couple reasons. For one thing, there was the whole 'I got in based on random chance instead of actually earning my place'. I wasn't sure if people would treat me differently if they knew how I got in. But more than that, I was worried about fitting in.

I had imagined that the students there would be all high-society child prodigies, people who'd had everything handed to them and would look down on me for being from a completely unremarkable family. But – well, there was one student like that, but other than that, everyone was pretty... normal.

Well, as close to normal as a group of fifteen insanely talented students can be. They all had their quirks, things that made them weird or difficult to be around, but most of them were friendly enough. And then there was Mukuro.

She seemed a little strange at first, but I didn't understand why everyone seemed to resent her so much. Even if she'd killed people before, that didn't make her a bad person if she was only doing it to protect her country. By the time I found out she was actually part of a mercenary group, I knew enough about her situation not to blame her for it, but that wouldn't happen for a month or so. Before that, I just talked to her because she seemed lonely, and I wanted to help. Looking back, I'm so glad I didn't brush her off. I can't even imagine what would have happened if I had.

Mukuro was pretty quiet, but she had some insane life stories. I've had a pretty sheltered life, but still, some of the things Mukuro's been through... I wouldn't wish those on my worst enemy. Her intense backstory might have scared some people off, but it just left me curious as to what else there was to this freckled enigma, and I went home from school determined to be her friend.

The next day I met her sister.

She seemed like the polar opposite of Mukuro. Pinkish-blonde done up in pigtails, perfect porcelain skin, a crescent-moon smile as charming as it was disturbing. She was bubbly and outgoing, airheaded but nice enough. You could tell just from a few seconds of knowing her that she was a little strange, but harmless. I couldn't imagine someone like her kicking Mukuro out onto the street at the age of four.

Junko ended up sitting at the back of the classroom, seeing as all the seats near Mukuro were taken. I could tell she was disappointed at that. I couldn't blame her. If I got to share a class with Komaru, I'd be kind of upset if I couldn't sit next to her too. They ate lunch together, though, so I figured that might make up for it. I would've left them alone, too, if not for the look on Mukuro's face.

She was smiling politely and nodding along to everything her sister said, but there was pain behind her expression, like she was being forced to stay there. I couldn't understand why. I mean, I get being annoyed by your sibling, but why act so nice if you were super annoyed by sitting next to them?

I was curious, sure, but I was also a little worried. With everything Mukuro had told me about Junko, and with the look on her face, I wasn't sure what was going on here, but I wanted to help out if I could. That was why I sat down next to Mukuro, and that was when I realized how much trouble she was in.

"...you ugly cow." I caught the end of something Junko was saying to Mukuro as I walked over. She was nodding and blushing, looking ashamed of herself. Suddenly everything she'd told me about her sister seemed a lot more likely.

"Hey," I said, smiling in an attempt to diffuse what looked like a tense situation. Mukuro shot me a grateful look, but Junko didn't pay attention to me at all. She wasn't even eating – she was fixing her makeup in a compact mirror.

"So," Junko continued as if I wasn't here, "if you don't do your job, maybe I'll have to go after him myself. Got that, you gross bitch?"

"Y-yes." Mukuro looked even more flustered now that I was here. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I had to say something.

I put my hand over Mukuro's. She looked up at me, blushing even more furiously now, but didn't try to move her hand away. "Hey," I said to Junko, who still hadn't looked at me once, "you can't talk about your sister that way. That's just wrong. I know it's probably none of my business, but she's a really nice person, and..." I faltered, because Junko was glaring daggers at me.

"Yeah, you're damn right it's none of your business," she said, still staring straight at me. "And if you know what's good for you, you'll get the hell out of my face."  
I winced. This was the complete opposite of the sweet, lively girl who had introduced herself to the class just an hour ago. Realizing I would get nowhere talking to her, I looked at her sister instead. "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

Mukuro looked like she was about to cry, but she shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Thank you for worrying, but everything's okay."  
Everything was very clearly not okay. Still, it wasn't like there was anything I could do about it. "Oh, okay," I said, and, cursing myself as I did it, picked up my tray and moved to another table.

I close my eyes, remembering that. "Yeah, that wasn't exactly my proudest moment."

"What, when you left me to fend for myself with Junko?" She smiles kindly at me and squeezes my hand. "I keep telling you, it was fine. Besides, it's more than enough that you came over in the first place."

Something occurs to me. "Why did you ask me about this? The day after I met you, I mean."

Mukuro shakes her head. "No reason. I was just... wondering what you were thinking, is all."

I guess that's valid. Everything about our relationship has been kind of insane. I think I'd want a second perspective on it if I were her too. Especially because that incident is what made me want to get closer to her. And if I hadn't gotten closer to her, I never would've fallen in love with her. I know, 'love' is kind of extreme – we're still in high school, after all – but that's what this feels like. And you know what the irony is? It's all thanks to Junko Enoshima.

But before that, a conversation would have to happen. A confusing, somewhat distressing conversation. And if I'm understanding Mukuro's side of the story right, it's the conversation that changed her reality forever.


	8. When I Knew

MUKURO

My perception of the world had shifted drastically in just a few days. I had gone from unconditionally trusting Junko to questioning her judgement about almost everything. I had gone from being a hardcore Despair Sister to wondering if despair was actually a good thing at all. But I wasn't sure if I wanted to accept these traitorous thoughts.

Part of me was wondering if I was making a huge mistake. Maybe Junko was right. She had certainly harassed me enough about it at lunch. And she made some really good points in favor of despair – although now that I think about it, most of it was just repeating how easy it was and how good it felt.

Still, I couldn't exactly back down now. I'd gotten too close to Makoto for that. After interacting with him, laughing with him, and being his friend, even if it was just for a few days, there was no way I could kill him. Besides, I'd never had someone I could just be myself around before. I don't think I'd ever even had a friend. Hanging out with Makoto was... nice. New.

But at the end of the day, the sad truth was that I trusted my sister more than I trusted my own feelings, and so those two conflicting thoughts kept battling it out in my head: do I side with hope and let Makoto live, or do I give into despair and kill him? The question was torturing me, making it hard to think about anything else, especially because I'm not very smart. After a full week of trying to figure it out on my own, I decided I would have to find the truth the only way I could think of.

Junko had already given me her answer about why despair was so great. It was about time I got a second opinion. That day, after school, I managed to get away from Junko long enough to have a short conversation with Makoto.

Of course, that wasn't easy. The only way I managed to pull it off was by dragging him into a back alley when she wasn't looking. "Hey!" he shouted. I grimaced. If he kept yelling like that we'd have a problem. I hated to have to do this, but I covered his mouth with my hand as I dragged him down the street.

"What the heck, Mukuro?" Makoto demanded once we were out of Junko's earshot and I let up my grip. "What's going on?"

"I had to talk to you without my sister knowing." He looked at me in confusion. "Doesn't matter. I need to ask you something."  
Apparently he completely had the wrong idea about this, because his face turned red. "Uh, s-sure. Go ahead."  
It took me a second to recognize what he thought this was about. "Oh!" I looked away, blushing. "Sorry, it's not about anything like that. I just have a question."  
"Oh." He relaxed a little, his face still burning up. "So, what is it?"

"What's so great about hope?"  
He stared at me. "Sorry, what?"  
"What's so great about hope?" I repeated. "My sister says despair is the best feeling in the world, but I've felt it. I know that's not true. I want to believe her when she says there's more to it than that, but... I've felt hope, too, and it was so much better than despair. So tell me. Why do you side with hope?"

All of this was under the assumption that he sided with hope in the first place. Not that I thought he embraced despair, really, but I had no way of knowing that his hope was a conscious choice. Looking back, that was kind of a wild thing to think. From what I've gathered, most people don't think too much about hope or despair and just live their lives with one or the other.

Fortunately, Makoto didn't act like I was crazy or try to get away. Instead, he tilted his head in thought. "Hm, let's see... hope..."  
I knew it was illogical of me to think he might have the answer. But he was the only person I could turn to. He was my first and only friend, the first person to ever give me hope. If anyone would be able to give me a real answer about hope vs. despair, it would be Makoto.

After a long minute of waiting, he looked at me and smiled. "Well, I don't know what your sister's thinking, but no way is despair better than hope. Hope is kinda risky, sure, because you feel horrible if it doesn't pay off, but it's better than just accepting despair. If you do that you'll never get anywhere, but if you let yourself hope... well, if that hope pays off, it's the best feeling in the world."

I didn't understand completely, but I got the gist. "So hope is riskier but feels better in the long run, and that's why it's better?"  
"I guess." He looked at me strangely. "But where's this coming from, anyway? You've never mentioned this before."  
"You're right." I shook my head. "Sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you like this."

I was acting calm, but my heart was pounding. I had gotten my answer. Now the question was what I would do with it.

Why would I ask him that in the first place? Why did I need an answer so badly?

Because everything I thought I knew was being put to the test, all because of him.

I felt confused and stuck. I didn't know what to think. But that only lasted a second.

"It's no problem!" Makoto laughed a little. "It's always fun talking with you. I've gotta go now because I have to pick up my little sister, but I'll see you tomorrow, all right?"

He smiled as he walked away, looking as bright as the sun, and that's when I realized. The reason I was questioning everything I thought I knew, the reason I was turning against my sister, was because he had given me the chance to feel something I'd never felt before. No, more than that. It was because of how I felt when I was around him. I felt like I was flying. I felt like I could do anything. I felt... happy.

That was when I knew I was in love with Makoto Naegi.


	9. When I Saved Him

I had never felt anything like this before. I barely had any idea of what was happening, but I'd picked up a few things about love from the few YA books I'd had a chance to read.

First things first, I couldn't just ask him out straight away. Just because you loved someone didn't mean they felt the same way, and if you asked them out without knowing for sure if they liked you back, there was a chance they'd reject you. But you also couldn't wait for too long, or you'd end up in the friendzone, and they'd never want to date you. But there was always a chance that they'd never end up wanting to date you and you wouldn't have a chance even if you got the timing perfect... it was all extremely complicated and I didn't understand the half of it. And even with all that, there was another important factor I had to consider.

Should I act on these feelings in the first place?

I wanted to, probably more than I'd ever wanted anything. But another thing I knew about love was that it didn't always last. Maybe if I waited long enough, these feelings would go away and I wouldn't have to deal with this complicated mess at all. That sounded good... but I also wouldn't get to be with Makoto, and like I said, I really wanted to be with Makoto.

Eventually, though, I managed to figure out a plan. An extremely simple plan to the point that I'm not sure if it could be called a plan at all. A plan to kill two birds with one stone, to figure out definitively whether I would side with Junko or Makoto, despair or hope, at the same time as I would find out whether I would ever have a chance with Makoto. But if I wanted any chance of an accurate result, I would have to take my time. As I've mentioned, I've never been very smart, but I knew enough. To get the result I wanted, I would need to spend time with Makoto, and lots of it.

It would've been hard enough if Junko hadn't been watching me like a hawk. My complete lack of skill in social situations was matched only by her keen wit and eye for deception. If I wanted to get close to Makoto, I would need some kind of excuse.

Unfortunately, before I could get around to that, Junko caught on.

The first time it happened wasn't such a big deal. She caught me going back to the hotel and demanded to know what the hell was going on.

"And don't give me any of that 'I need more time' bullshit! We both know full well that you've had all the time in the world to kill that moron, and yet... he lives. Idiot boy still lives." She leaned in close, her face expressionless. "Why might that be, huh?"  
"I... I..." I had no idea of how I was going to get myself out of this one. "I had a talk with him about hope," I blurted. The moment I said it I wanted to punch myself in the face.

Junko stared at me. "What."

Deciding that if I was going to dig my own grave I should at least do a thorough job of it, I continued. "He agreed that despair was easier, but also he said that when hope paid off it was way better than despair, so I thought... well..."  
My sister grabbed me by the collar and pulled until my face was centimeters away from hers. "Why the HELL would you tell me that? And why the FUCK would you do it in the first place?"

That burst of manic confidence abandoned me. My shoulders slumped. "I don't know. I'm sorry, Junko."

She released her grip on my shirt, and I stumbled back into a wall. "That little twerp is wrong about despair. You're too much of a dumbass to get it. But just you wait." Her sinister crescent-moon smile crept back onto her face. "Just you wait, big sis."

Then she turned around, pushed open the door to the hotel we were still staying in, and walked inside.

In any other situation words like that would be a massive red flag. But in this case, I was too relieved that Junko wasn't mad at me to pay attention to what she'd said. I probably would've started crying in relief if I were a normal girl who hadn't gone through rigorous training to keep her emotions in check.

I should've paid attention to her warning, I know that. I still curse myself daily for letting something so obvious slip by me. But it didn't end up mattering, because even though my talent might not seem like it has too many applications outside of combat, it made all the difference here.

The first sign of danger came when I went over to his house the first time. I wasn't sure how big of a relationship milestone that was, but it came just a week after I confronted him in the alley. It turned out it wasn't that big of a deal, which was a little disappointing, but also relieving, because I had no idea what I'd do if things started moving too quickly. The visit wasn't the thing that stood out. It was how often Makoto almost died during it.

He didn't notice, which was probably a good thing. He'd already had a near-death experience in his home just a few weeks before, and anything more would probably cause him to move away. Which would keep him safe and out of Junko's way, but it would also take him away from me, and as selfish as it was, I didn't want that to happen. But I noticed. With my years of training and finely-tuned eye for danger, how could I not?

I barely managed to save him from the first murder attempt, since I hadn't counted on something like this happening. I'd noticed the figure in the shadows from the start, but like an idiot I chose to ignore it, chalking it up to a trick of the light or something. Because of that, I almost didn't catch the knife before it embedded itself in the back of his head.

I did, though, thank God, and hiding it turned out to be surprisingly easy. I was taking a tour of his house at the time, and he was turned in the other direction, so all I had to do was hide it behind my back and then stick it in a knife block. Subterfuge wasn't exactly my specialty, but Makoto wasn't exactly perceptive either, so it wasn't too much trouble.

Honestly, I'd have to say the most unfortunate thing about the rest of the murder attempts was that they prevented me from relaxing for the rest of the visit. I didn't try to apprehend the shadowy figure. I knew if I did, I would find Junko, and as little as I trusted her at this point, I didn't want her to have to experience the disappointment of her plan falling through. (Or would it bring her despair? As much as she insisted that the two emotions were miles apart from each other, I couldn't really see the difference, so I decided not to risk it.) She was still my sister, and I still cared about her, unhinged as she might be. If I had to block a poison dart from her blowgun and dispose of a cyanide-tainted snack every now and then, the least I could do was keep from exposing her.

Overall we had a pretty fun afternoon. A little stressful, but still fun. I couldn't ignore the message Junko had sent me, though. She knew exactly how much I cared about Makoto and was trying to kill him, all so she could bring me despair. It was a little heartwarming – but as much as she might care about me, that didn't change the fact that I had to protect Makoto Naegi no matter what.

Even if it cost me my life.


	10. When He Tried to Help

MAKOTO

My friendship with Mukuro had been progressing relatively slowly. I had no idea that she'd prevented several attempts on my life, and she didn't know how to get close to me, so we stayed just friends for a while. Casual friends, not even close friends – she came over to my house a few times, I think we went to the movies once – but I never considered asking her out. Even if she was freaking adorable when she smiled.

I thought the mystery around her had been solved. Her sister had some kind of weird obsession with despair and was insulting her a lot, and that's why she always acted so strangely. She'd had a rough childhood with not much human contact, which explained her poor social skills. I didn't think there was anything more to it than that.

Then she started coming to school covered in bruises.

According to Mukuro it started a few days after I came over to her house, but I didn't notice until a week later. I had just gotten called on by the teacher for a question I had absolutely no clue about, looked over at her, and noticed a dark spot on her arm.

She looked back at me, and when she noticed me staring she pulled down her shirt sleeve to cover it. She gave me an awkward, it's-fine half smile. I guess she didn't want me to worry. So I didn't.

I know, it was naïve of me. I've been told I'm a naïve guy. Maybe I'm a bad person for not looking into it the second I noticed there was something wrong, but I just assumed she bumped into something. And to be fair, I think most people would.

The next morning she came in with a cut on her face. I thought, oh, weird coincidence. Maybe she has a cat or something. The day after that she had a black eye, and that was when I started getting concerned.

That day, I asked if she could talk to me after class. She instantly got flustered and asked me what it was about, but since Junko was around and I didn't trust her I just said that I'd tell her later. We agreed to meet up in the alley where she'd asked me about hope a week or so earlier.

Ten minutes passed. She didn't show. Maybe she forgot... but I'd just asked her about it a few minutes ago. She'd be the first to tell you she wasn't all that smart (which I disagree with, she's a heck of a lot smarter than me at least, but moving on), but she was perceptive, and she had a good memory. No way would she just up and forget.

Had she blown me off, then? No, that couldn't be it either. She had seemed nervous about it, sure, but somewhat excited too. Like she thought I was going to ask her out or something... oh God, did she think I was going to ask her out or something? I'd better clarify that as soon as possible.

Another ten minutes, and I was starting to suspect she wasn't going to come. Maybe she got held up or something? She'd given me the address of the hotel she was staying at, so I headed over there, hoping for an explanation. What I ended up with was much more confusing – and concerning.

The second I opened the door, Mukuro stumbled out of the building, clutching her chest. "Woah!" Both her eyes were swollen shut, and she was limping severely. "Hey, what happened? Are you okay?"  
For a second I thought I saw a tear well up in her eye, but it disappeared within a second. "It's... nothing. I just fell."

"Oh..." I looked her up and down skeptically. She looked haggard and beaten, like she'd just been released from prison after years. She tried to take another step forward but started to collapse. No way was all that from a fall.

"Hey, seriously!" I grabbed her before she could hit the ground. "I don't know if you're trying to protect your sister or something, but you can tell me what really happened. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

She managed to pry her eyelids open and stared into my eyes, and I couldn't bring myself to look away. There was something mesmerizing in her gaze, helpless and yet powerful. I couldn't help but think of how beautiful she looked. Even as weak and battered as she was, she seemed to shine.

"It's nothing," she said finally. "Don't worry."

She tried to stand up, but I grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back down. "No way is it nothing. Come on, Mukuro. You can tell me anything. We're friends, right?"

A red glow crept over her face, and I realized just how close we were. "O-oh!" I said, falling back to the ground. "Sorry. I didn't –"

"It's fine," she said dismissively, getting to her feet. "You don't need to worry. So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

I'd gotten my answer, but... I didn't want to leave her alone. "It was nothing. I just wanted to hang out, that's all."

"Oh." She smiled, looking relieved but disappointed. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

We stayed like that for a while, sitting on the ground in front of her hotel. We talked about nothing in particular – how school was going, the other kids in our class, stuff like that. Normal teenager stuff. Now that her bruises had been addressed, it was a pretty normal night. But here's the thing – it wasn't.

Because that was the night I realized how much I cared about her. And that was the night I started to fall in love with her.


	11. When She Got Revenge

MUKURO

Junko was cruel. I'd known that all my life. She'd tried to kill me more times than I could count, but she would rarely attack me with her bare hands. I didn't think she would attack without intent to kill. Three days after my first trip to Makoto's house, I realized how wrong I was.

I came back to the hotel to find Junko's room in total disarray. Things were thrown everywhere, the walls had claw marks, and Junko herself looked like she hadn't slept in a week. "Mukuro," she hissed when she saw me. "Do you have any idea how much trouble you've been causing me?"

After all of Makoto's kindness, her words hurt, but I knew I deserved it. "I'm sorry... what did I do?"  
In a flash too quick for a normal person to see, Junko was on me, pinning me to the ground. "Why do you keep saving that worthless piece of trash? Why do you care about him so much?" Her expression changed from menacing to cutesy in an instant. "Do you wuv him more than me, your pwecious wittle sister?"

I stared up at her, thinking as fast as I could. I'd gone directly against Junko and saved Makoto from her. Multiple times, so I couldn't tell her I acted on instinct or something. I searched for an excuse and couldn't find one.

Her face contorted back into a snarl. "Yeah, that's what I thought, you trashy skank!" She wound up and hit me full in the face. I didn't try to dodge. I wasn't so sure that Junko was in the right anymore, but I still knew that I deserved this. She shoved me to the ground, kicked me in the side. "You're siding with that hope-loving bastard! Damn it, damn it, damn it!" With each word, she landed another kick. My body felt like it was tearing itself apart. Who knew high heels hurt so much?  
I braced myself for another hit, but it didn't come. Instead Junko collapsed onto her bed. "Ugh... I'm too fucking tired for this. Beating you up isn't as much fun when you're not trying to dodge."

My eyes welled up with tears. "I'm sorry, Junko..."

"Then again," she continued as if she hadn't heard me, "it's frustrating as hell when you are trying to dodge, because you're too damn good at your talent! Ugh, you're so fucking disappointing."  
I didn't know if she was trying to upset me or if she was just venting, but it still made me wince. "I... I'm sorry..." I whispered again. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Do you think I want to know how you feel, you whiny bitch?" she screamed. "Ugh, you are so fucking disappointing!"

I gingerly got to my feet, glancing over at Junko timidly. To my surprise, tears were starting to form in her eyes. Quiet, subtle tears that were completely unlike her typical melodramatic, obnoxiously loud fake sobs. I'd never seen her like this before, and guilt started to course through me. How could I have done this to my own sister? How could I have taken someone I loved so far away from despair?

She glanced at me, looking exhausted. "What? Gonna gawk at your helpless charity case of a sister? Ha, you wish. Fucking bitch."

I couldn't just leave her there. But what was I supposed to do? I didn't know how I was supposed to help, and I knew if I tried I would just end up making everything worse. So I walked out of the room, hating myself all the while.

I thought that would be the end of it. I thought she'd vented enough, got everything out of her system, and would be back to her normal self by the next day. That was certainly what it seemed like at the time. And the next day, when I came to her hotel room to check on her again after school, everything seemed fine. Her room was back to normal, the dark circles under her eyes were gone, and she was back to her usual peppy, hyper-dysfunctional self. I was about to leave and head back to campus for target practice when I noticed that her expression had changed into a fierce glare.

"W-what is it?" I stammered, unsure of what she wanted from me. Was she still upset about yesterday? We were past that... right?

"Don't think you're getting away with slacking off this easily."  
My heart sank. Did she intend to attack me every day I didn't kill Makoto? "I don't know what you're talking about, I've been looking for an opportunity –" I stammered, but Junko cut me off.

"BULLSHIT!" she screamed. "You saved his fucking life the other day! So many times! You useless pig, you've fallen in love with him, haven't you?"

Don't give it away, don't give it away – I looked at the ground and blushed. Damn it.

The next thing I felt was Junko's fist connecting with my skull. "The one time I really need you, you go and let your selfishness get the better of you. Do you realize what you're taking from me?" I could've blocked any of Junko's blows, but I just fell to the ground and let them come, staring ahead in shock. I hadn't considered how much I was really hurting Junko. Not only would Junko lose her despair if I didn't go through with this, but her entire plan would fall through, the thing she's been waiting for her entire life. And I'm doing it all to save one boy, just because I have a stupid crush?

I barely registered Junko's punches. Not that they didn't hurt – the bruises they left would remain for months – but I was too caught up in my thoughts to feel the pain.

Junko grabbed me by the chin, startling me out of my introspection. "Are you listening, you useless whore?" I nodded, but my thoughts were already starting to drift somewhere else.

It wasn't too long before I passed out. My pain tolerance was so high that I didn't notice when my body went past the threshold of hits it could take, and I was out like a light before I knew what was happening. I woke up in my own bed. And she was even nice enough to take me back to my room... My guilt grew every second. How could I do this?

Then I packed up my things, headed to school, and saw Makoto's face. And remembered how wrong Junko was about everything. I couldn't kill the first person who had ever given me hope. I certainly couldn't kill the boy I loved.

My resolve would be tested over the coming days, though. The moment I got back to the hotel, Junko would start whaling on me, and even though it didn't hurt too much at first, as time went on and my bruises started to stack up... I'd never sustained an injury during combat, but I'd still been trained extensively against pain. It turned out that there was a limit to how much I could take without feeling something. By the end of the week, it hurt to move.

That was the day that Makoto asked me to meet him after school. I knew he wasn't going to ask me out, but I still got nervous. Then that nervousness compounded when I realized that Junko was staring at me shrewdly from behind tinted sunglasses. He smiled a smile that made my heart jump, waved goodbye, and walked away, probably heading to the alley we'd meet up at.

I still had a small smile on my face when Junko grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the limo she'd been renting to carry us from school to our hotel.

The moment we were inside she started raining down punches with speed I'd never seen before. Honestly, it would've been a little comedic if it weren't so terrifying. "Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!" she screamed, tears flying from her face. "Why is this so HARD? Why can't you do the SIMPLEST FUCKING THING?"

I had given up on responding to her. Like everything else in my life, if I tried to help I would only make things worse. But during that particular verbal and physical attack – that was when I cracked. The armor I had built up specifically for occasions like this crumbled, and I started to sob.

Junko stopped her attacks for a second to stare at me incredulously. "Seriously?" she demanded. "You're crying. You're crying. You piece of shit, you really think you have any right to cry?"

I still didn't respond. I just sat there, letting her hit me until I went numb, crying silently. It felt like there was a void inside of me, something swallowing up everything until I was left completely empty. I recognized the feeling. It was despair.

The second we got back to the hotel Junko shoved me into my room and locked it, saying she'd had enough of my bitching for one day. I stood there, staring at the door, feeling the void overtake me. This would continue forever. I wouldn't kill Makoto, and Junko wouldn't stop hurting me, and there would be no end to the pain.

Makoto!

My eyes widened as I remembered that I'd promised to meet up with him. My door was locked from the outside, but my room had a window, and as long as I stayed out of Junko's line of vision, I could climb down the side of the building and come into the lobby through the back easily. Then I stumbled out of the hotel, unable to feel my face or my arms, and I ran into Makoto. It turned out he just wanted to hang out, but I didn't want to go back. So we sat there, talking, and as we did I felt the void shrink, just a little. Pressed back by hope.

As long as Makoto existed, there was hope.


	12. When I Confessed

I had been planning to wait until Makoto and I were closer to ask him the question that would shape my world forever. Which I guess was kind of cheating, since I was actively trying to skew the results of my little experiment, but whatever. I wasn't a scientist, I was just a selfish girl trying to get a guy at her sister's expense.

Knock it off. Remember, your sister is kind of insane. It still hurt to admit, but the evidence was stacked against her, and if I couldn't admit that to myself, I'd drive myself crazy with guilt over betraying her. Not that I wasn't doing that already, but you know.

Anyway. The plan was to wait a couple of months at least, build up a solid friendship with Makoto, and then ask him out. If he said yes, my hope would go through the roof, and I would definitively turn against Junko. If he said no, I would fall into such a deep despair that I would see why Junko thought it was so great and join her side again, maybe even killing Makoto in the process. A lot was riding on this, and there was a good chance he would say no if I did it right now, but with the physical abuse Junko was putting me through every night, I didn't exactly have a choice. If I waited too long, she might end up killing me. I didn't want to think she'd do that, but... well, I'd seen how she got when she allowed despair to take over her.

I didn't really have a plan in mind. I would ask to talk to him after class, get him alone and away from Junko, and tell him I loved him. I almost ended up putting it off, which I knew wasn't a viable option but still seemed pretty tempting given how nerve-wracking the whole situation was. How did anyone get together if it was this stressful just to initiate romantic interaction? As usual, human beings made absolutely no sense to me.

After my talk with Makoto, I had managed to sneak back into my room without Junko noticing. It was clear what had to be done, but I still found myself second-guessing my poor excuse for a plan. The truth was, if I didn't do it now, I wouldn't get another chance. I'd either lose my nerve or Junko would murder me.

It seems like I'm talking in circles now, right? Well, there's really no other way to show what was going through my head. It kept me awake all night, repetitive thoughts about how I might be making a mistake but at the same time I had to gather my courage and do it.

I had lived in active war zones. I'd been having to fight for my life ever since I could remember. So why did the thought of asking Makoto Naegi to go out with me terrify me so much?

I stared at the ceiling for hours, wishing I was smart enough to know the answer or tough enough not to care. Eventually I drifted off to sleep... for about two hours.

Asking out your crush on two hours of sleep is probably not a smart move, but I didn't exactly have a choice. There was one upside – I was too tired to be scared. I stumbled into class fifteen minutes early, probably with a snot bubble in my nose. Makoto spent about an hour staring at me. "Hey, Mukuro?" he asked finally. "Are you okay?"

"Huh?" I looked over at him, had a mini heart attack, swallowed my panic, and responded. "Yeah, sorry. Just didn't sleep well last night."

"Oh." Seeming satisfied with that answer, Makoto turned his attention back to the class. That was good. I'd definitely chicken out if he spent all day looking at me in confusion.

Eventually the last bell rang. Fully aware of how awkward this was going to be, I tapped Makoto on the shoulder as he was about to go through the door. "Can... can we talk?"  
"Sure!" He turned to look at me and smiled radiantly. "Do you just want to hang out some more?"

"Um... something like that."  
He looked at me, puzzled, before shrugging and asking, "Where do you want to meet up?"

"How bout that alley again? We need to talk alone." Away from Junko.

He nodded seriously. "Okay. See you in fifteen. I would walk with you, but..." He pointed his thumb towards my sister, who was standing in the corner checking her makeup.

Relieved that he understood the gravity of the situation, I nodded back. "Got it."

He gave me a parting smile, concerned but still excited to meet up, and walked off, leaving me alone with Junko. Never a good position to be in, I had figured out over the past few days. I braced myself for another punch, but Junko just grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room.

"What –" Then I realized. Security cameras. Of course she couldn't be caught assaulting me in school.

I braced myself for an attack the moment I stepped into the limo, but none came. She just sat there, staring ahead at nothing. Apparently she'd resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to kill Makoto. Which was relieving, but somehow unnerving. As I've said, I wasn't used to not seeing Junko show some kind of extreme emotion.

The moment we got back to the hotel, though, she dragged me into her room and hit me full in the face. "God, this is getting boring," she moaned.

"S-stop..." I wasn't sure why I was bothering to ask. Nothing I could say would convince Junko to stop once she had her heart set on something.

Junko's face screwed up in anger. She shoved me to the ground, kicked me. It was basically routine at this point. "You really think you get to tell me what to do, you selfish skank?"  
Tears started forming in my eyes almost out of habit. "Stop..." I knew I was only making things worse, but this had to end soon or I wouldn't be able to meet Makoto.

"SHUT UP!" Junko screamed, landing another kick. "God, you're annoying! Can't believe I put up with you for so long."

Something was burning inside me. Hope? Despair? No, it was something deeper, something stronger.

Rage.

I wasn't sure where it had come from, but every hit made it grow, every insult stoked its fire. I didn't want this life of despair. Had Junko ever asked me about that? No, she hadn't. She hadn't cared. All she wanted to do was get despair, no matter what the cost to people she claimed to care about.

What was I saying, claimed to care about? When had she ever even pretended to love me? I was her own sister, and all she wanted was to use me.

While my thoughts were busy spinning around in turmoil, Junko was still screaming. "Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? You're throwing away all my dreams, just so you can score with some lame kid? You're useless!"  
"S... sh..."

The blows stopped, just for a second. "You want to say something?" Junko sneered. "Want to beg for mercy again?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP!"  
The burst of anger was completely unlike me. I can't explain where it came from. Sure, I was upset, but I'd always managed to control my emotions before, keep my feelings in check. Why was this any different?

Because I'd had enough. This was my breaking point. I'd gone through so much as Junko's sister and her soldier, and I wasn't willing to take any more of it.

I was still on the floor, staring fixedly at the wall. Junko took a step back from me, looking at me with deadly calm. "What did you just say?"

I pushed myself to my feet. It hurt, but not too badly. "I'm so sick of going around doing everything you tell me to! When have you ever considered my feelings, huh? When have you ever thought of what I want to do?"

Infuriatingly, Junko laughed. "Can't believe this is your first hissy fit in fifteen years. Oh well, I guess it was bound to happen sometime." She leaned in close to me, smiling dangerously. "You see, I'm just more important than you. You got it? What you want doesn't matter because you're just a stupid little skank who barely knows her times tables!"

Yeah. I used to think that too. But then I met Makoto. "You're wrong," I said quietly. "I might not be very smart – I might be completely worthless – but I'm still a person. People like having me around. I'm not just a burden, and you can't keep using me like this!"

I turned around and ran out of the room, my heart pounding. Maybe I was being childish. I didn't care. I realized that I'd been wanting to say that for years and grinned. I knew I was headed down a dangerous path defying Junko, but after learning what it felt like to hope, it was a path I was willing to cross.

I burst through the hotel doors, feeling free for the first time, and ran full speed back towards the alley I was supposed to be Makoto. I had so much adrenaline running through me that I almost didn't care whether he liked me or not. No matter what, things would be okay.

Not that I had any reason to believe that everything was okay. Looking back, I shouldn't have. But I was flying high, and nothing could bring me down.

I charged around a corner to see Makoto looking around worriedly and skidded to a stop in front of him. "Hi," I said, breathless not from the sprint but from sheer excitement. "I have to ask you something. Is it okay if I ask you something?"

"Huh?" He looked totally taken aback. "Uh, yeah, I guess. Sure. What is it?"

I took a deep breath. No way could I turn back now.

"I know I've only known you for a little over a week. I know you have no reason to say yes to me. But I can't wait any longer and I need an answer." I looked him dead in the eye, and asked the ultimate question a teenage girl can ask to a guy she likes. "Will you go out with me?"


	13. When He Answered

MAKOTO

I had no idea what to do.

Even if I knew what to say, how would I say it? I'd never had a girlfriend, I'd never even been asked out before. How did I tell her what I wanted to tell her? And more importantly, what did I want to tell her?

It was true that we hadn't known each other for very long. I'd hung out with her every chance I got, but there was still so much mystery surrounding her and I felt like I hadn't even scratched the surface of it. We barely knew anything about each other...

But from what little interaction we'd had, I knew she was kind, and hurting. I had no idea what she was going through, but if the bruises all over her body were any indication, she was caught up in something bad, something she didn't want to be a part of. And I knew that I cared about her, very much.

For a second I just stood there, which probably wasn't good manners considering the situation, but if I didn't keep my mouth shut I knew I was going to blurt out something stupid. I looked at her, more confident than I had ever seen her, bruised and battered but standing strong. I could see the depth and beauty in her eyes, and the hope. Hope that lit up the entire area with its brightness. (I'm really not very good at beautiful descriptions, am I?) She looked prettier and stronger than I had ever seen her, and my answer from there was obvious.

"Yes! I'll go out with you, Mukuro!"

MUKURO

Well, that was unexpected.

I'd come into the situation with overwhelming confidence but had fully expected to be shut down instantly. I had no game plan for what would happen if he said yes, and when he did, I completely froze up.

"Uh... ah..." I swayed on my feet a little, the injuries I'd gotten earlier catching up to me.

"Hey, are you okay?" Makoto was by my side, propping me up on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing... just wasn't expecting you to say yes." I laughed nervously.

He smiled. "How could I say no? You're awesome. You're so pretty and strong, and your smile is perfect. I may not have any experience with this kind of thing, but you're totally relationship material." He looked down, blushing. "Sorry... was that weird?"

That... was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. Once again, I had no idea how to respond. My face was on fire, and I guess Makoto noticed that, because he squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh man... this is what I get for being so hopelessly average, not knowing how to talk to a girl right."

"No, it's fine!" I was basically having heart palpitations, but the least I could do was assure him he hadn't done something horribly wrong. "T-thank you." I wasn't used to getting complimented, and coming from him... I felt like I might explode at any second.

"Really?" His face lit up. "I'm so glad, because for a second I thought I was sounding kind of creepy. So... what now?"

I'm not sure what took over me in that second, but before I could think I was leaning in, his eyes were widening, and our lips connected. Neither of us had ever done it before, so it was almost laughable how bad we were at it, but it still felt magical. Our first kiss, awkward and bad and perfect.

I pulled back, somehow not feeling embarrassed anymore. "Was that okay?" I asked tentatively.

"I... I honestly don't know," he said, looking embarrassed enough for the both of us. "It... felt really good, so... I guess that's enough, right?"

I smiled at him, took his hand. I didn't understand why I was being so bold, but I wasn't complaining. My heart was still pounding, but my nerves had calmed, and I felt better than I ever had in my life.

Then I remembered Junko, and my stomach dropped.

Now that I was thinking somewhat clearly again, I could see how terrible the situation I had gotten myself into was. I had stood up to the scariest, most dangerous person I had ever met, someone who probably wouldn't hesitate to kill me just to bring herself despair. I would have to deal with this one way or the other, but in the moment, I didn't want to leave.

I looked into Makoto's sweet, hopeful eyes, and knew that everything would work itself out. I just had to be patient.

ONE WEEK LATER

MAKOTO

I should've known something was up right away. Every time Mukuro had been late to meet up somewhere, it was because something was wrong. But like an idiot, I just stood around and waited.

I was nervous enough going in. It was our first date, after all, and even though our plan was kind of basic – dinner and a movie – everything had to go perfectly, because I was terrified that she would break up with me. I was just this totally average kid, after all, in a school of fascinating, colorful students much more talented and likeable than I was. The fact that she didn't show up after half an hour worried me because I thought she might've stood me up, not because something might have happened to her.

Another half an hour passed. I'd made reservations at a fancy restaurant, and the waiter was looking at me sympathetically, which was even more depressing than it sounds. That was when I decided enough was enough. I would head over to the hotel Mukuro was staying at, figure out which room was hers, storm in there, and figure this out.

Thank God I decided that when I did. If I'd waited any longer, she would've bled out.

The hotel wasn't too far away from the restaurant, so it didn't take too long to get there. As I walked, though, I found myself picking up the pace. The thought that something might have happened had just come to me, and considering everything that had happened to Mukuro so far, I started getting nervous. By the time I got to the door I was in a full-on sprint.

I burst through the room to see a girl being escorted out of the building by police. Junko, covered in blood. Shaking in ecstasy.

Before I know what I was doing I was charging up the stairs, not really sure what I was looking for but knowing that I had to get to Mukuro before it was too late. I spotted a door with blood on the handle. I ran up to it and pulled at it with all my might. No good – it was locked on both sides.

"MUKURO!" I screamed. "MUKURO!" I banged on the door, terrified. I would've run to the hotel desk to see if I could get a key if I hadn't thought to look through the peephole.

Mukuro was lying on the floor. Something was off about her body. It was too red... and too sharp. There was something protruding from her body.

A spear. No, a whole rack's worth of spears.

I backed away from the door, feeling numb. "Mu...ku...ro?" The word slipped out with no clear purpose. I collapsed on my ass and hit my head against the wall behind me. No. What was happening...?

Come on. You have to do something. Don't just sit there staring.

I got to my feet. What could I do? What was I supposed to do?

The answer came to me in the second I did it. I kicked the door in.

I don't know how I was able to do it. Maybe adrenaline, maybe sheer panic. Regardless, by some miracle, the door flew open, and I ran inside, dead set on making sure Mukuro was okay.

She very clearly wasn't okay. The spears were thick, and while most of them hadn't even made contact with her body, the few that had were going straight through her sides. One was directly through her spine. There was so much blood I almost passed out.

Somehow, she was still conscious. Her eyes fluttered open, weakly. "Makoto?" she choked out.

I stared, horrified. Maybe I should've tried to comfort her. Maybe I should've run to her side. Instead, I did all I could think to do.

"HELP!" I screamed. "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"

Mukuro's eyes closed, and then I actually did pass out.


	14. When She Snapped

MUKURO

Makoto is crying.

I just woke up, so I'm not totally sure what's going on here. "What's wrong, Makoto?" I ask, then start coughing uncontrollably. Damn it. That's been happening a lot lately.

Makoto winces. "That's what's wrong. You're paralyzed, bedridden, and coughing up blood, and it's my fault."

"Hey!" I put my hand over his. I've heard his side of the story, and there's no way any of this is his fault. "There was nothing you could've done. Junko is insane. Even if you'd gotten there in time, you couldn't have stopped her."

"Yeah, but..." He grimaces and wipes his eyes. "If I'd tried to help instead of just screaming and then passing out, maybe the damage wouldn't have been that bad. And if I'd come half an hour earlier, I might have been able to prevent the whole thing."

It breaks my heart to see him like this. No matter what he says, it's not his fault. If anything, it's mine for being too bold with Junko. I should've remembered what she was capable of.

But I didn't.

After my kiss with Makoto, I felt invincible, and if there's one lesson I should've learned by then, it's that invincible is the most dangerous way to feel. If I were smart I would've calmed myself down, done a reality check, and seriously considered the possibility that I was about to get killed. But I didn't, because I was feeling hope like I'd never felt before, and if I had to name a downside to hope, it's that sometimes it blinds you to reality.

Things didn't escalate between me and Makoto after the kiss. I think we were both too freaked out to go any further. We just sat around and talked like we always did. It felt nice, knowing that my boyfriend was also a friend-friend. Oh, crap, should I be calling him my boyfriend? Have we gotten that far? Does one kiss qualify you to call somebody your boyfriend? Would he want me to put a label on this? Or would he be mad at me if I didn't? For once, my big stupid mouth actually came in handy, because when I blurted all that out he told me to relax. "Of course I'm your boyfriend! I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't want it to mean something. That is... if you're okay with it."

I nodded, relieved. That was one drama out of the way. Looking back, it's pretty ironic. I was so invested in the future of our relationship that I couldn't consider how I would live long enough to see it unfold.

Anyway. We talked until my mouth started to get sore, which I had only recently discovered was something that could happen. I'd never had this type of prolonged conversation with anyone before. Makoto had to get home anyway, so we parted ways. I headed back to the hotel feeling lighter than I ever had, feeling completely free. I had forgotten that wasn't true.

The moment I stepped into the hotel Junko was standing there. She grabbed me by my shirt collar and hauled me off to her room. Out of habit, I didn't resist, but once she got me inside her room I remembered how much I had aggravated her – and how much she always mistreated me. My blood started to boil again. "What do you want?" I snapped.

"Well." Junko sat down in her desk chair and spun around looking completely composed, which was unnerving. She had been a total mess when I'd last seen her. "It has been brought to our attention that you have been repeatedly disobeying us. We had believed that this could be corrected with enough physical incentive, but evidently that is not the case. Furthermore, there has been simply no tack we could take with you that could lead to your cooperation. As a result, we have decided that your existence must come to an end to further our despair and prevent any further slip-ups."

"What?" I wasn't sure if she was joking. I had known she wouldn't hesitate to kill me, I had known that for a while, but it was still too hard to accept it. Because even then I still loved her and wanted to believe that she would never do something so horrible to me.

She grabbed a Monokuma plush off her desk and held it in front of her face. "Remember me, upupupupupu?" she asked in a high-pitched voice. "I was gonna be the star of the killing game – before you fucked it all up, that is! And now, I, the noble Monokuma, shall end you once and for all!"

"Hey!" I grabbed the Monokuma by the ear and pulled it away from her face. "Come on, Junko. Make sense. I'm your sister. You can't just –"

"Oh my!" she squeaked, still using her Monokuma voice. "Violence against Headmaster Monokuma is in violation of school regulations!" A chill went down my spine. It was just like the scripted response she would give me during the killing game after I attacked a Monokuma. But in that case, she would just throw me in a dungeon, and we would go about the rest of the killing game together. So nothing that bad would happen, right?

I was wrong.

"I invoke the mighty summon spell!" 'Monokuma' shouted. "Help! To me, godly spear Gungir!"

Huh? That wasn't part of the script. Something was off. I only had a millisecond to react, but I took full advantage of that, darting backwards.

Junko had been counting on my trust. But she'd lost that long ago, and because of that, I managed to get just enough out of the way that the spears jutting out of the floorboards didn't hit any of my vital organs. It still hurt like hell.

"Jun... ko..." I reached out my hand with the little strength I had left. She batted it away, scoffing.

"Oh, so now you want my help? Now you want my sympathy? That's what you get, you massive BITCH!"

And then she just... left. She opened up the door, locked it on both sides, and left. My blood had splattered onto her clothes, and there was no doubt she'd be apprehended right away. I couldn't comprehend any of that right then, though. I was dying.

A few seconds later, Makoto's voice on the other side of the door. My eyes opened just enough to see those sweet, concerned brown eyes of his staring through the peephole in horror.

"Ma... ko... to...?"  
Then my eyes closed, and I was gone.


	15. When We Finish The Story

MAKOTO

Things calmed down a little bit after that. Apparently someone had heard me scream and came running into the room, and since there was so much blood on Junko's clothes an ambulance had already been called to the scene. I was told later that I was woken up by a bystander, but my memories are a total blur from the moment I passed out to the waiting room of the hospital a few hours later.

I remember my vision clearing at that moment as a doctor explained to me that it was a long shot, but Mukuro might pull through. I was crying and hadn't even realized it. I couldn't believe that this sweet, strong girl who had liked me enough to overcome her awkwardness and ask me out could die within minutes. It just wasn't part of my reality.

I sat there in the waiting room for hours. It was torture, not only because I was worried sick about Mukuro but because there was nothing to take my mind off it except a kids' magazine. That was at least something, but I had to ditch it when I noticed the weird looks I was getting, leaving me alone with a ticking clock and a room full of despair.

After what felt like years of waiting, I was told it was okay to see her. I guess they thought she was my sister or something, because I don't think non-family members should've been allowed to see her at that point, so that's a little weird, but I wasn't complaining if it gave me a chance to see her.

I ran to her cot, tears streaming down my face again without me even noticing it. "Careful," a doctor warned me. "She's slipping in and out."

Her eyes were closed. Her entire torso was covered in bandages. Her breath echoed through a life support machine, shallow and raspy. I couldn't believe she was still alive.

"Do you think..." I swallowed hard. "Do you think she's going to make it?"

The doctor sighed. "I already told you, kid. It's too early to tell. It's a definite possibility, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. Sorry, but it's my job to give it to you straight."

I nodded, barely aware that I was doing it. Mukuro, my girlfriend, might be about to die.

No. She couldn't die. There was so much I still didn't know about her. I didn't know what her favorite flavor of ice cream was, what made her laugh and what made her cry, what her favorite vacation spot was. Knowledge that didn't matter in the long run but was a key part of who she was. I barely knew anything about her. We'd barely gotten to spend any time together. We hadn't even been on one date.

She couldn't die.

"Mukuro..." My voice was hoarse. "Please... be okay. We have so much left to do together. We have so much we need to figure out. Please... come back."

The doctor shook his head at me. "I know this must be tough, but there's no point talking to her. You don't want to get her all worked up in case she comes back up."

"Mukuro..." I wasn't listening. I fell to my knees by her cot, sobbing. "Mukuro..."

Then her eyes snapped open. "Makoto?" she whispered.

"Mukuro!" I jumped to my feet. "I'm so glad you're okay! Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"No..." She looked down at her body doubtfully. "I don't feel anything. Am I on painkillers? I remember... getting skewered..."

"Everything's fine," I reassured her. "You're at the hospital, you're going to be fine, we're going to be fine. They got your sister. She's probably in jail right now. You're safe."

To my surprise, tears came to her eyes. "That Junko... I hope I at least let her experience some great despair. I know I probably shouldn't be, but I'm glad. We can be safe now."

"Yeah." I was crying even harder now. "Everything's going to be okay."

Over the course of the next few days, Mukuro's condition gradually improved. One of the spears had gone through her spine, paralyzing her from the waist down. It was a miracle that she could move at all. Her lungs were severely damaged and she'd need to be on life support almost constantly for the rest of her life. But she was alive, and that was all I wanted.

Still... I know she says it wasn't my fault that all this happened, but how can I not feel responsible? I'm the one who ignored all the obvious signs. I'm the one who just up and passed out when she was in danger instead of trying to help.

Mukuro can tell that's where my mind is going, because she puts her hand over mine. "It's fine," she says, smiling. "I don't care that my life as a soldier is over. It's more than enough to be with you."

It's been a few months since all that happened. Mukuro is going home from the hospital in a couple days. Well, I say 'home', but she's coming to stay with me. She was staying in a hotel while she was attending Hope's Peak, so she needs somewhere permanent now, and I volunteered to take her in. Might be a little awkward, especially with Komaru around, but we'll make it work. It'll be fine.

"Ready to go?" Mukuro has gotten herself positioned in a wheelchair and is looking at me expectantly. Tears have welled up in my eyes. I'm not sure how. She notices right away. "Hey... what's wrong?"

I wipe my eyes. "It's nothing. Just... despite everything that's happened, you're alive and safe, and we're together. I got to meet you, to be a part of your life, even to be your boyfriend."

"How did I get so lucky?"


End file.
